Arianna Kilmer - Third Wheel

Can I be really honest?

John is in a wheelchair. Ok…that’s not what I want to be vulnerable about. I want to talk about relationships. Relationships are hard.

And it may not be what you’re thinking. As you can see in the photos, we have obvious physical differences from a typical couple. He can’t walk, squeeze my hand, spoon with me, pick me up, hug me tight, drive a car, all those things that make up a “normal relationship”.  

Please, don’t put us up on a pedestal. We’re not inspirational, we have the same dumb fights everyone does- over tone of voice and saying nothing is wrong when we all know there is. This til-death-do-us-part gig is amazing and secure and lovely and fun...but it’s also hard.

It’s hard to not get sucked into the routines of life. It’s hard to remember that we each have different love languages, and that we need to act accordingly (if you haven’t heard of the 5 love languages, google it! It will make SO MUCH sense once you’re done reading it-trust me!). It’s hard to keep in mind that we each came from different life experiences and have different expectations. It’s hard to communicate as well.

I truly believe that I am beyond lucky to have this guy choose to do life alongside me, even through my flaws and insecurities and crabbiness at 2am when he wants the covers moved on his shoulder.

You guys.... Life is a series of choices: to be grateful or to be irritated. My hope is that you can lean more toward gratitude. Because even though life can be rough, there is always a bright side. And trust me, I must constantly remind myself!  

John and I have experienced so much in our crazy relationship; happiness, sadness and heartbreak! But as weird as this sounds, I now have a love/hate relationship with our third wheel (SCI)! 

Because of the third wheel in our relationship, we are amazing problem solvers. We know what it means to be flexible and resilient. As young as I am now, SCIs have already taught me a lot about what is important in life and he/she (SCI) has helped me learn what is not. Not everyone is lucky enough to get advice like that from someone like our third wheel! 

John and I always ask ourselves: WHO would I (or us) be if it wasn’t for this SCI? We may not allow our third wheel define us but heck, it’s who we are! Yes, this pesky person can make us change our plans at a drop of a dime but that is also what makes our relationship STRONGER! It makes us individually stronger to pick one another up when life isn’t being fair.

Yes, relationships are hard but knowing John is by my side makes things, ok. 

-Arianna Kilmer